The Road to Baby #2
I’ll be honest, it took about a year from when we decided we were going to start the process to have our second child, to finding out I was pregnant. And while that is much faster than it was to have our first son, it was a hard 10 months. It was a wild ride. We already knew right off the bat where we needed to start the process. That is a positive when it comes to IVF. You know exactly where to start. And that is a phone call to our IVF clinic letting them know we wanted to start the process of doing an embryo transfer. Thankfully, we still had 4 frozen embryos from our egg retrieval back in 2021. And it was also a miracle that we were able to go back to the same clinic considering that my husband was in the Army and you move. around a lot. In the back of my head, I was pretty confident it would be a straight forward path and the first transfer would work because thats how it went with Charlie. Oh boy was I wrong.
Since I was still breastfeeding Charlie (13 or 14 months at the time), the first step was to slowly wean him and wait a month after that before heading to the clinic. Since my cycle had regulated postpartum and stayed regular through breastfeeding, I was pretty confident it would be smooth sailing. And I guess it was in regards to that. I weaned him over a few weeks, and while I was sad that our breastfeeding journey was over, I was excited because it meant we were one step closer.
Our fertility clinic is 1.5 hours away (each direction), and taking Charlie with me had its own challenges. First, its a long car ride with a toddler, keeping him happy and entertained during my appointments had its challenges, not to mention we had appointments at least 1x per week, sometimes more. I got into a good routine, the nurses were super nice and accommodating, plus they loved seeing him since they are the reason we have him! It was weird being back in the clinic where I dreamed of one day becoming pregnant and having our own baby, to now being back with my baby, hoping to become pregnant again. I felt guilty when I saw other woman there, looking at Charlie, because I knew how they were feeling. I wasn’t trying to be inconsiderate, but I also had to bring my child.
In April, after a few weeks of cycle monitoring, shots and more shots, it was time for our first embryo transfer. My husband could not come, he was in command and couldn’t take a half day, so Charlie and I went through it together. The process of the actual embryo transfer is pretty easy. Afterwards, we went to the same restaurant where Camden and I had gone after our embryo transfer with Charlie. It felt like good luck in keeping with the same tradition. He and I took a picture outside the restaurant as Camden and I had done after Charlie’s embryo transfer.
We we were in Hawaii visiting our friend when I was due to take a pregnancy test. I started taking tests pretty early since I knew what to look for. First day, no line. Second day, faint line. Day by day the line got darker and darker. And then suddenly it started getting lighter and lighter until there was no line. I was having a chemical pregnancy. Also known as a very early miscarriage. If I hadn’t been taking tests so early, I probably wouldn’t have even known that the embryo had stuck. We were pretty bummed.
In June, we did another embryo transfer. It was unsuccessful. We were out of embryos from our first egg retrieval back in 2021 and needed to to another egg retrieval. I’ll be honest, was pretty sad. I was so caught up in this whole process, emotionally and physically. From driving 3 hours round trip, all the medications and emotionally being in this headspace was taking a toll on me. I didn’t want to start over, I wanted the previous transfers to work. I felt like moving forward felt like taking 100 steps backwards. This is one thing I really appreciate about my husband. When he commits to something, he commits. No matter what it takes. He was committed to this process and helped me move forward. He’s more logical than emotional and I’m the opposite.
In August we did another egg retrieval. The outcome was okay, not great. We got half of the eggs that we did in 2021.
Because we got a lot less eggs, the clinic didn’t want to let the embryos grow until day 5 in case they didn’t make it. So we did a fresh day 3 transfer using 2 embryos.
It was unsuccessful. I was completely exhausted. Mentally, physically and financially.
It is so expensive. even with our incredible medical insurance. Out of pocket, we still play for embryo transfers, egg retrievals and a yearly fee for frozen embryo storage.
I needed a break. I needed space to be me, to be a mom to Charlie and be present, to not be constantly thinking about my cycle, my body, shots, transfers and driving 3 hours to Tucson every week. I was proud of myself for recognizing that, because in the past I have just turned my head the other way and kept pushing through. And I knew if I kept doing that, we were going to keep being unsuccessful. I was frustrated at my clinic for not trying anything different and frustrated that I wasn’t standing up for myself. I felt like I was going through the motions of what they told me to do without asking questions or pushing back. After I had gotten my last negative pregnancy test, I did not call back to make my next appointment.
Fall was approaching in Arizona which means it dips into the low 90s and you somehow brave being outside. I was enjoying my time with Charlie. We had a trip planned in December to drive to California to see my family for the holidays. Within that trip, Camden and I took our first trip away from Charlie and really enjoyed quality time together.
Soon it was January and we were going up to Phoenix to see our college friends who were all coming to town and we were staying in an Airbnb. That morning when I woke up, I had realized I was overdue on my period. Nothing out of the normal within the past year where I had been on so many different hormones from embryo transfers and egg retrievals, my body was a little messed up from it all (hence the break). I decided to take a test that morning before Camden woke up. Looking back, I don’t really know why. A few minutes later, I walk back into the bathroom and there was a LINE! Like an actual positive pregnancy test line. I immediately ran and woke Camden up. We were shocked. A little surprised and a little doubtful. We were told that we had a less than 1% chance of ever conceiving naturally. I was convinced it was a faulty test. A few hours later, when our fertility clinic opened up, I called them to tell them what had happened. They immediately told me to come into their office. Once we got there, I peed in a cup and they took me back for an ultrasound. They said they would call later with the test results. During the ultrasound, there was no gestational sac, everything looked as normal (aka no pregnancy) and they said I just might be too early to see anything on an ultrasound. We left feeling a little deflated, like it was too good to be true and maybe the test I had taken was faulty or expired. This is what years of infertility can do to you, it makes you think the worst in everything and you lose hope.
A few hours later, they called. The first thing they said was “congratulations, you’re pregnant!” I was absolutely shocked. I ran in and told Camden. We cried, we laughed and we talked about how much of a miracle it was. It was crazy. We spent the past year doing everything we could to have another baby an then during our break from treatments, got pregnant on our own. It’s like what you see in movies, what you read in other peoples stories - but you never think it will happen to you. But it did.
I still remember that weekend like it was yesterday. I was so happy after being so sad for so long. We shared the news with our friends and family and shocked everyone. We have always been very open with people close in our lives about where we were at with fertility treatments. I know some people don’t like to talk about it, but I found it really therapeutic to share. Even though it was not an IVF pregnancy, our clinic was really great about seeing me weekly for check-ups during the first trimester. It was such a relief to see everything progressing weekly and see the strongest little heartbeat. It took some of the anxiety during the first trimester away.
In September we welcomed the newest member of our family, Everett. He is the sweetest little guy and seeing Charlie become a big brother was pure joy.
